I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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