ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
