i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
