I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
