there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
