She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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