WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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