dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
