her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
