Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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