for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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