Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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