It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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