She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
