no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
