I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
