all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just want nice things and good sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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