DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
