she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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