I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
