he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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