Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
