I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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