We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
