i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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