Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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