I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
