If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
