Will you blow on my dice?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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