The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
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Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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