Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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