It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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