I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
