I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Send help, water and tortillas.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
