I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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