omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
