mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
