have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
