MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
