They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He has the fingertips of a God
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