That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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