I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
