I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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