So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize