That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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