Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
