A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
