my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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