I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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