when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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