My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
