I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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