I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
