I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
