So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
