I hate all girls vehemently.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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