so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
