Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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