This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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