I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
