Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
