The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
