first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
