I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
