I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
