I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
