Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
