Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
