ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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