Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
