guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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