Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we have officially lost it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
