My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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