I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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