it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
