Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
