I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
