Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
