I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
