My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize