So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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