she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
