if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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