He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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