This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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