Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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